Dating a guy of a different race
Anyone who’s fallen in love with someone of a different race knows the feeling when you first meet his or her family. You want to hide behind a door, yet still peak out to see what’s going on. On the one hand I didn’t want to appear resistant to meeting his family. I thought to myself, “I’m already the black girl.’” I knew it was one thing to be told your son is dating a black girl, but it was another to actually see his arms around her, to see him kiss her, to hear him say, “I love you.” “Baby, are you sure it’s the right time? About the Author: Guest Contributor Meet Mindful is the first online dating site to serve the mindful lifestyle.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I do want to share my story so anyone entering an interracial relationship knows that meeting your significant other’s family can be a positive experience. I really liked him, but was afraid of meeting his parents, worried about how they might react. ” “Well, the obvious—what’s your family going to think about you dating a black girl? As part of that service, we’re bringing you a library of content from some of the most knowledgeable contributors in the areas of love and mindful living.
It really felt like something had changed about the way America perceived and thought about race, and for at least that brief moment, the nation appeared united. For example, below are the numbers from Date Hookup, a site that we acquired a few years ago (but that still operates independently.) Date Hookup has a distinct userbase, a distinct user acquisition model, a distinct interface, yet their data reflects the same basic biases: While Ok Cupid is large enough that its demographics reflect the general Internet-using public, Date Hookup is a niche site particularly popular with Latinos and blacks (those groups comprise 13% and 20% of the site, respectively.) Other sites in our portfolio, with still different demographics and business models, show the same attraction patterns.
No less than Karl Rove captured the moment well: “an African-American candidate who was aspirational and inspirational…is very powerful. Q: Is it possible that some small number of users is throwing off the averages? For example, 82% of non-black men on Ok Cupid show some bias against black women.
I’m a black girl from Detroit who fell in love with a white Jewish boy from Philadelphia. It was a Saturday night, a typical gathering of 20-somethings. Sounds like a small thing, but that got me interested. Donny and I dated for three months before the topic of meeting family came up. I had heard horror stories from friends who also dated interracially—the painful silent dinners, the follow up commentary drip-fed for weeks. If you have a story to tell or a lesson to share and you’d like to contribute to our site as a guest, please email us at [email protected]
I I know, it sounds like it’s straight out of A Bronx Tale (great movie! The beer selection was Coors Light, Budweiser and Modelo. Most people made snide remarks, except one disheveled boy, bearded with a flannel shirt. Already struggling with school and in a somewhat precarious emotional state, I didn’t want jeopardize myself. If we’re a great match, we’d love to tell you more about joining our family of writers.
Q: Are you saying that because I prefer to date [whatever race], I’m a racist? There are many situations that might not be explicitly romantic, but are nonetheless a lot like a first date. In short, “beautiful people” receive a lot of the same built-in benefits in our society that white people do. Beauty is a cultural idea as much as a physical one, and the standard is of course set by the dominant culture. One interesting thing about Ok Cupid’s interface is that we allow people to select more than one race, so you can actually look at people who’ve combined “white” with another racial description. In fact it goes a long way towards undoing any bias against you.
On an individual level, a person can’t really control who turns them on — and almost everyone has a “type,” one way or another.
It’s a wholesale phenomenon: the ratings for an entire population are shifted down. And science has long known that bonuses accrue to beautiful people: they have better outcomes at work and at school, more success with juries, even live longer lives, and so on.
But I do think the — that fact that race is a sexual factor for so many individuals, and in such a consistent way — says something about race’s role in our society.
If you try to ignore all of these differences and say that “race doesn’t matter”, then you are setting yourself up for a big shock.
How can you tell when it is a fetish and not just attraction?
A fetish is purely sexual and the person will be attracted to ALL people of that race/appearance regardless of the person.