Online dating taking things slow
"If you are a busy adult with work you're committed to, and children at home, then you have to make dating efficient," Rosenfeld says.
"And there is no more efficient vehicle than the Internet." "Remember that you are looking for a good fit, not validation," Rosenfeld continues.
"Many people make the mistake of putting out a generic profile that will attract a lot of people.
But if you do that, you're going to attract a lot of people who aren't a good fit, and that can be exhausting - and demoralizing." Instead, says Rosenfeld, when you are creating your online profile, "Avoid generic likes and dislikes, like walking on the beach," he says.
It’s because we’re used to a level playing field, and on this we don’t have one. When David and I have conversations about how he wants his name to be last when we hyphenate, I feel like I don’t have a even playing field. When I get mail addressed to Meg His and he never gets mail addressed to David Hers, it drives home the fact that the playing field is not level.
It’s not anyone’s fault really, but thems the breaks.
"Before you meet your date, do something that puts you in a positive frame of mind; then, after the date is over, meet up with a friend," he says.
And then, there is that other painful complicated thing I have to mention. I have been near blindsided by how angry I still feel over this choice. Meg His, I ask David to take the label off before I get home, so I don’t have to see it. I mean, my mother is a first wave feminist, for gods sake, and she uses Mrs.! And then this weekend I figured it out on a real tangible level. But on this one I think the voices that matter in this conversation are yours and your partners. Weddings are complicated times, you don’t need a deadline on this decision on top of everything else. Maybe you’re angry, maybe you’re excited, maybe you’re zen, maybe you’re something else.
"If you think of dating the same way, you are less likely to be disappointed." Assuming you and your date "hit it off," invariably the question of sex will arise -- sometimes as early as the first date.
What's important to remember here is: It's your timetable.
When someone addresses me as Mrs.** I literally get shaky with rage. We were having a long conversation with a lesbian couple who are good friends of ours, and the name change discussion came up. But what it does mean is this: If you are trying to figure out what to do, talk to your partner. It’s your new family, and this is an emotionally core decision you are making about that baby family, and more than that about your NAME. There is no reason to talk about your family name at the wedding, either way, so you can take the time that you need to think. Maybe you’re zen and then angry by turns (me), or excited and then sad (maybe Alyssa). I suspect that name changing has always been emotional for women, but we’re one of the first generations that has so many legitimate options that becomes easy to talk about the confusion.
After we’d cycled through talking about all the different choices (combining names, hyphenating names, picking a new name, picking one persons name… I mean really really talk to him (in this example I’m using a male pronoun…). In my opinion (and I may be wrong, but it is my rather firm personal opinion) your mother-in-law does not get a vote on this one.