Validating volatile and avoidant couples
It doesn’t cancel out any pain experienced but it adds some balance to your perspective.
Social workers should contact their regulatory board to determine course approval.That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over.Let go of your expectations of validation from them and validate Even if they didn’t or don’t care about you, it’s time you start caring about yourself. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.Whatever it is, stop punishing yourself by telling your that they don’t care about you.If you have instances of them showing they cared in the relationship, even though it may not have been enough, it shows that they cared.No matter what time of year it is, it’s difficult post-breakup, especially when we wonder whether someone cares about us, but times of the year like Valentine’s and Christmas/The Holidays are exceptionally difficult. Years ago when I broke up with my ex, even though it was me that ended it and even though I had a long list of reasons, it galled me when he wasn’t exactly hunting me down to say he missed me, trying to get in touch, or hurling himself on the floor begging me for mercy.We like to feel that we meant something, that we were important, missable etc, but at this time of year, that urge increases as the post arrives and there’s no card from them, our phone beeps and there’s no text message, or we refresh our email and check our junk box and there’s no email, or we look for signs of life from them on the likes of Facebook and see that they’re moving on or that they look happier than we are. Despite being the dumper, I actually tried to even though truth be told, I didn’t miss him and I cared but if I dig deep, I cared about how I looked in the context of him not caring. I must be unlovable, I mustn’t be good enough because the prince wasn’t hopping on his horse and blazing in to rescue me, whisk me off and live happily ever after.When they move on or they don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control.This is because we are still hurting and struggling to move on, and them not contributing to the emotional pot makes us not only feel away about the pain that we’re holding onto but also makes it even harder to hold onto any last illusions we may be clinging to. If they don’t get in touch, or send you a Christmas card, beat your door down begging to get back together, or make more of an effort to chase you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care at a difference.It’s also–and this may be hard to hear–not a game to provoke the person into being and doing what you want.Especially when someone has got used to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, they may decide enough is enough and that they don’t want to participate in the dynamic, or they may assume that when they feel good and ready about getting in touch, you’ll be there Be careful – this is a game that never ends well.